Donald Trump waddled into the Oval Crib to meet with South Korea’s President, who came bearing compliments about the redecorated playpen. “It looks very bright and beautiful and it has the Dignity of America,” he said, basically telling Trump his crib was the shiniest on the playground.
The South Korean president cooed about a “Renaissance” in shipbuilding and even pitched the idea of Trump Tower in North Korea, complete with golf. Yes, golf. On the DMZ. Because nothing says “peace” like a nine-hole course between armies.
Trump, never missing snack time for bragging, reminded everyone of his “great respect” with Kim Jong-un. “We had two summits, but we became very friendly,” Trump said, before retelling the bedtime story of how “Rocket Man” almost ruined the Olympics until Kim decided to send a team, saving the ticket sales like a baby superhero in diapers.
Things got more dramatic when Trump claimed North Korea only built more nukes while he was out of office. He reassured the South Korean president that only he could bring peace, saying, “If Hillary Clinton won, it would have been a disaster.” Sippy cups clattered across the floor at that one.
The chat swerved from nukes to NATO toy-sharing, then to Trump’s favorite subject: how everyone liked him more than Biden. He also flexed about walking into North Korea while Secret Service had pacifiers in their mouths from stress, boasting, “I saw more rifles pointing at me than I’ve ever seen in my life. And yet I felt safe.” Sure, Donnie. Because nothing makes rifles less scary than friendship bracelets with Kim.
By the end, Trump promised peace, magnets (yes, magnets), more oil deals with South Korea, and maybe even renaming the “Department of Defense” back to “Department of War.” Babies everywhere spat out their teething biscuits at that one.
Both Sides’ Reaction:
Babies who clapped said Trump was the only one bold enough to toddle into North Korea and color with Kim Jong-un at the same table. They argue that strong friendships with scary playpen bullies are better than tantrums across the sandbox. To them, the Trump–South Korea bonding means a shot at calm naps on the Korean peninsula.
Babies who threw their blocks say Trump’s boasting was louder than the actual baby monitor alerts. They worry that promising golf courses in North Korea while ignoring missiles is like trading pacifiers for rattles—fun until someone swallows one. They also think too much bragging about past snack-time victories doesn’t fix today’s toy mess.
Is Trump’s promise of golf-and-towers in North Korea a real path to peace?
Since Pampers and Gerber ghosted us, we’re back to self-sponsorship. Do your part for democracy (and nap time) — pick up a Diaper Diplomacy mug and help keep the nightlight on in this very noisy nursery.
