Trump and MBS Trade Trillions at Playpen Summit, Promise Bigger Room for Show-and-Tell

“Distinguished guests, please rise,” the voice said, and the stroller brigade obeyed. In rolled President Donald J. Trump and Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Applause. Music. Someone whispered, “Heat. Heat.” The juice boxes trembled.

The crown prince went first, stacking blocks labeled “defense,” “energy,” “AI,” and “rare minerals.” He said they “signed a strategic economic partnership document” and that today they’d sign projects that “include sectors such as defense, energy, AI, rare minerals and finance.” He promised this would “generate a huge job huge job” in both sandboxes.

Then Trump toddled to the mic, admiring the “great group of people” and calling America “the hottest country anywhere in the world.” He thanked his “friend,” praised last night’s tiny party, and promised a bigger room next time—classic toddler move: promise a bigger fort.

Sticker time for Saudi: “We officially designated the kingdom yesterday as the major nonNATO ally.” He added, “We signed a historic strategic defense agreement yesterday also.” Translation for crib readers: special friendship badge + more boom-boom toys.

Shopping list? Trump said Saudi Arabia will buy “nearly 300 Americanmade tanks… among many other things,” plus airplanes—“we’re working on getting that approved very quickly… would you say 24 hours?” The babies clapped like someone just found extra animal crackers.

Then came the gigantic number parade. He said Saudi investment went from “$600 billion” to “$1 trillion,” and in the photo line he asked, “Could you make it 1.5 trillion?” Math teachers fainted gently onto their nap mats. Also: “$270 billion in agreements and sales are being signed… today.” That’s a lot of gummy bears.

Policy lightning round: “Tariffs have been, frankly, the best thing that’s ever happened to our country.” He dangled a “dividend to the people… of at least $2,000,” swore factory permits would take “two to three weeks” with a “maximum… 28 days,” and told chipmakers to bring experts first, train locals after—like borrowing your friend’s big cousin to show you how to tie your shoes.

Energy talk made the pinwheels nervous. Trump said, “Windmills don’t work,” praised “natural gas, oil, nuclear,” and dressed coal up as “clean, beautiful coal.” Somewhere, a breeze felt judged.

He rattled off scoreboard stuff: “46 all-time record highs,” “more jobs right now than we’ve ever had,” and snack economics like, “Since March, egg prices are down 86%.” Several babies peeked into their lunchboxes to verify.

Defense finale: “We just have a new plane, the F47… It won a very strong competition.” The nursery craned their necks for the box it came in. Foreign policy encore: “I’ve settled eight wars. I have one to go,” plus a tale of stopping India and Pakistan with a “350% tariff.” He also declared, “We have peace in the Middle East,” and mentioned a “Board of Peace chaired by… Donald J. Trump.” That’s a lot for one chore chart.

He wrapped with thanks—Princess Reema, Yasser, Scott, Howard, Tiffany, Jensen—and told the crown prince, “We will always be with you.” Music up. Cribs down. Naptime for numbers.

Babies who clapped:
They loved the shiny badges and bigger block piles. “Major nonNATO ally” sounds like a gold star, and “nearly 300 Americanmade tanks” sounds like roaring job trucks. Speedy permits, a promised $2,000 “dividend,” and trillion-dollar confetti felt like serious sandbox momentum. To them, loud equals leadership and deals equal juice refills.

Babies who threw their blocks:
They heard the trillion talk and wanted a measuring tape. Claims like “eight wars settled” and an instant “F47” made their eyebrows do squats. They worry 28-day approvals could skip safety nap checks, that windmill time-outs ignore climate chores, and that importing experts first might leave locals waiting by the toy bin. Also, promising tanks while declaring “peace” made their rattles rattle.

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