Tiny Tots Take the Tech Table: Trump Hosts Big Boss Babies for AI Snack Time

The White House dining room turned into a high-chair summit. President Donald Trump sat beside Mark Zuckerberg, Sam Altman, Tim Cook, Bill Gates, Lisa Su, and a pile of very shiny talking points. It was supposed to be “closed press,” but, surprise, little cameras toddled in anyway.

Sam Altman did his inside voice first. He said, “Thank you so much for getting us all together. And thank you for being such a pro business. pro Innovation president,” then promised to keep building big brain huts called data centers. Everyone nodded like they just got extra applesauce.

Lisa Su from AMD clinked her sippy cup and said the chips are the “brains.” She added, “we are all in to make sure that America wins the AI race.” Several babies tried to sprint in place but remembered their shoes have Velcro.

One tech leader said, “the AI moment is 1 of the most transformative moments, any of us have ever seen or we'll see in our lifetimes.” All the babies stared into the middle distance like they were seeing the future or just a very good mobile.

Bill Gates did a gentle burp of humility and reminded everyone he’s giving away money now, but can’t quit tinkering. He said, “the work being done by the people at this table is, is changing the world.” Nearby, a baby attempted to change the tablecloth.

Tim Cook thanked everyone and pointed to school time. “There's nothing more important. than education,” he said. Crib University applications immediately doubled.

Melania Trump moves through the big-kid house like a quiet stroller, heels louder than pacifiers. In baby nation she’s the Fancy One—polished coats, soft smile, careful waves. She talks kindness like handing out blankets, then slips behind the nursery curtain, leaving critics guessing and fans whispering “classy.”

Then came big number show-and-tell. Trump asked Apple’s CEO about investing: “600 billion? 600 billion.” The room made the same face kids make when they realize crayons are edible. Later, he bragged about markets and mused, “I had that stock, it was 28. and now it's about 500 and something.” The snack table briefly became a hedge fund.

There were policy rattles, too. On tariffs, Trump said, “we'll be putting a tariff very shortly,” unless companies build their toy factories right here in Babyland. On global bragging rights, he said America is “leading the world. by a lot.” Several blocks were stacked into a very patriotic tower that immediately fell over.

The questions wandered like a toddler in a museum. Reporters asked about jobs, Ukraine, and even UK speech rules. Trump called the UK situation “Strange… they are cracking down and surprisingly So.” Everyone nodded, then checked their phones to make sure their tweets still existed.

By the end, bibs were stained with optimism. The table called AI the big kid on the playground, promised more training for tiny minds, and kept saying “hundreds of billions” like it was snack count. No one mentioned nap time. Dangerous.

Babies who clapped:
These babies think the meeting was a win for Team Crib. They liked hearing that companies will build data centers and factories here, because that means big-kid jobs when they grow out of onesies. They cheered the talk about education and skills, since “There's nothing more important. than education.” They see the praise from tech bosses as proof that policy is lining up with investment, and that being “pro Innovation” could keep America “leading the world. by a lot.” To them, the giant numbers mean more crayons for everyone.

Babies who threw their blocks:
These babies heard a cuddle puddle, not a summit. They worry the cozy praise masks hard questions about safety, privacy, and who gets left out when the AI toys get expensive. The tariff talk made them nervous—cheer now, pay more at checkout later. They also side-eye a “closed press” dinner that wasn’t closed, plus a conversation that drifted from AI to far-away fights and speech rules with no real detail. They want guardrails before the sandbox gets stampeded by “hundreds of billions.”

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