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The day started with whirly-birds and very serious hats. Donald Trump landed at Windsor Castle, where Prince William and Princess Kate toddled onto the lawn to greet him and the First Lady. Cameras clicked. Uniforms sparkled. A commentator whispered that this would be “the largest military ceremonial welcome for a state visit to the UK in living memory.” The message: look how many toy soldiers we can line up without anyone crying.
Trump shook hands, smiled at the King and Queen, and the group shuffled to their marks like preschoolers in a class photo. The carriage rolled up. Everyone practiced good sharing.
Banquet: Forks Up, Pinkies Out
Inside St. George’s Hall, King Charles clinked a glass and delivered his grown-up lullaby about the two countries. He said the bond is “anchored by the deep friendship between our people,” and joked that British soil makes “rather splendid golf courses.” He noted, “We and our allies stand together in support of Ukraine… to deter aggression and secure peace.” Then he went full nature dad: “Above all, to ensure that we have clean water, clean air, and clean food.”
Trump replied with his own history coloring book. He praised Charles as “a very, very special man” and went on a greatest-hits tour of British ideas and heroes: “The British gave the world the Magna Carter, the modern parliament and Francis Bacon scientific method.” He added, “We’re like two notes in one chord or two verses of the same poem.” Then he toasted: “to one of the great friendships, to two great countries and to his majesty, King Charles III.”
Somewhere between the Parmesan shortbread and the quail egg, protesters in London shook their rattles. But the banquet continued. There was sorbet. Nobody spilled.
The Big Business Playdate
At Checkers, Prime Minister Keir Starmer welcomed Trump “for this unprecedented second state visit,” and bragged about a mountain of deals: “250 billion pounds flowing both ways across the Atlantic.” He hyped the “tech prosperity deal” to team up on AI, quantum, and nuclear power, promising “15,000 jobs… changing lives.”
Trump called the CEOs “the best in the world” and said the UK-US bond is “unbreakable.” He ran through the go-fast list: “AI… quantum computing… fusion, 6G and civil nuclear energy,” plus “very rapid approvals.” He also said, “GDP last quarter was 3.3%,” and that the US has “more than $17 trillion” in investment pouring in this year. Jensen got a shout-out. So did tariffs. Everyone nodded like they understood fusion at nap time.
The pens came out. The papers got signed. Photographers got the shot: two leaders holding up the homework that says “we did the thing.”
Press Conference: Many Words, Little Naps
Starmer said the partnership will “define this century together,” and that tech should “amplify human potential.” He tied it to bills and jobs, because babies like snacks and numbers.
Trump praised the visit and said the countries “have done more good on this planet than any two nations in human history.” He promised to “ensure our countries lead the next great technological revolution,” and plugged that “$350 billion” in deals were sparked by the trip. On Ukraine, he said Putin “has let me down,” adding, “we want the fighting to stop and it’s going to stop.” On energy, he repeated, “drill baby drill,” while Starmer said the UK will use a “mix” of renewables and North Sea oil and gas in a “pragmatic approach.”
President Trump paused the big-kid talk to smack at bedtime host: “Jimmy Kimmel was fired because he had bad ratings… Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented person.” The microphones blinked, and the nursery noted we’d detoured from wars and trade to a national no-talent alert.
Reporters tossed chewy questions. On Gaza, Starmer said recognition of a Palestinian state fits into “a plan for peace,” while Trump said, “I want the hostages released now, right now,” and called October 7 “one of the worst… in the history of the world.”
TikTok made a cameo. Trump said he’s speaking to President Xi and that a deal would leave it owned by “all American investors,” adding the US is getting “a tremendous fee plus.” Free speech got a stroller ride too; Trump said Jimmy Kimmel “was fired for lack of talent,” while Starmer said the UK will “protect” free speech “jealously.”
Air Force One Aisle-Chat: Wheels Up, Filters Off
On the flight home, the president said the best part was “being with King Charles, he’s a wonderful guy.” He joked he’d seen “more paintings than any human being has ever saw,” and praised how “they treated our country great.”
He revisited Bagram—calling it “Bram”—saying the base “should have never been given,” and that it’s “an hour away from where they make their missiles… China.” On ceasefire talk: “Doesn’t feel like it. But at the right time… it’ll be harsh.”
He riffed on Antifa designations—“We’re going to find out”—and on noisy diners: “I think they were a threat.” He repeated his energy theme: the North Sea is “a tremendous asset,” while windmills are “a very expensive joke” that “kills the birds.” Asked about London’s mayor, he said, “I asked that he not be there… I think he’s done a terrible job.”
He ended with a fashion note from the banquet: “The women look really beautiful… Even the men looked beautiful.” Then: “Fly safely… Because I’m on the flight.” Journalism, folks.
Both Sides’ Reaction
Babies who clapped (Team “Pageant & Partnership”)
These babies loved the carriages, the flyover, and the fancy dessert with a name longer than a crib rail. They heard Charles say, “We are now the closest of kin,” and Trump say the bond is “priceless and eternal,” and felt cozy-blanket vibes. They think the Tech Prosperity Deal means real blocks: AI labs, nuclear reactors, and jobs that last beyond preschool. On Ukraine, they liked Starmer’s plan to “decisively increase the pressure on Putin” and Trump’s vow to “get it done,” reading it as tough love with ear protection. On energy, they’re fine with a “mix” as long as the lights stay on and the bill doesn’t eat snack time.
Babies who threw their blocks (Team “Eyebrow Raise & Ear Tug”)
These babies saw the pomp as pacifier politics—nice music, same mess. They noted protests in London and grumbled at the “drill baby drill” vs. “windmills are a joke” talk, worrying the sandbox will be mostly oil. They side-eye the math fireworks—“$17 trillion”—and the crowd-pleaser lines on “zero” illegal crossings. On Gaza, they heard “I want the hostages released now” but wondered when the stopping stops. On Ukraine, “he’s let me down” sounded like Dad telling the thunder to quit. They want fewer boasts, more blueprints.
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