At his Fort Worth rally, baby Beto O’Rourke didn’t just throw his rattle at Donald Trump—he aimed it squarely at Greg Abbott and Ken Paxton too, accusing them of turning redistricting into a toddler heist. According to Beto, the trio of crib bosses are trying to grab five shiny new congressional seats like greedy babies hoarding all the juice boxes.
Abbott, he said, is threatening Democrats with second-degree felony charges, sending troopers after them, and even calling in the FBI like it’s baby hide-and-seek. Paxton, meanwhile, is suing everyone in sight, apparently hoping to use the courts as his own playpen gate. And Trump? Beto claims the ex-prez wants those seats so badly he’s stomping around the sandbox shouting, “Mine, mine, mine!”
“He thinks that we are going to take it right here,” O’Rourke declared, pacifier popping from his mouth. “But he doesn’t understand in Texas, our knees do not bend.” Cue the crowd: rattles shaking, sippy cups sloshing, babies shrieking in approval.
To Beto, this isn’t about maps or crayons—it’s about survival. He warned that if Republicans redraw Texas’ districts unchecked, they’ll pave the way for Trump’s third-term coronation. Instead of “resisting,” Beto called for offense: redraw blue states’ maps first, register more young voters, and never wait for the other baby to throw the first block.
Both Sides’ Reaction
Babies who clapped: They see Abbott and Paxton’s map-making as cheating at Candy Land. For them, redistricting is code for “stealing snack time,” and Beto’s war cry to “fight back first” is the only way to keep the playpen fair.
Babies who threw their blocks: They argue the lines are always redrawn after census years, so what’s the fuss? To them, Beto’s tantrum about stolen seats sounds like sour milk. They believe his calls to “punch harder” prove he’s just as eager to rig the sandbox—only in blue.