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Today’s special playdate in Jerusalem had every big baby in the sandbox. The Speaker rapped the crib rail, told everyone “whoever will disturb the session will be expelled,” and then rolled out a long stroller parade of guests. Babies clapped. A lot.
President Isaac Herzog waved his rattle and called Donald J. Trump “the best friend that Israel ever had in the White House.” He thanked him for moving the embassy and said, “You led the Abraham Accords.” The room went sippy-cup wild.
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu stacked blocks of praise, too. He said, “Donald Trump is the greatest friend that the state of Israel has ever had in the White House,” and promised, “Together, Mr. President, we will achieve this peace.” He also cheered the deal bringing hostages home and listed wars and scary things like they were bedtime monsters under the crib.
Opposition leader
Yair Lapid took a careful toddle. He told the room, “Our children are coming home,” and said Trump “kept your word.” He also read from Israel’s founding promises and said the region should talk toys, not tantrums.
Then Baby President Trump took the floor, grinned at the shiny chamber, and called it a “Very nice place.” He announced, “The hostages are back,” and declared, “This is the historic dawn of a new Middle East.” He thanked Arab and Muslim states, complimented generals that look like “central casting,” and joked about long speeches because babies love attention spans shorter than a teether.
He praised “Operation Rising Lion” and “Operation Midnight Hammer,” described giant airplanes like they were superhero strollers in the sky, and said, “Israel… will live, God willing, in peace for all eternity.” He also said, “The world needs more Trumps,” which other babies had literally said earlier, and the room turned into a round of peekaboo applause.
There were baby politics, too. A Knesset member got carried out for disrupting, like a toddler being scooped from the snack table. Trump tossed shout-outs to Steve Witkoff, Jared Kushner, Marco Rubio, and Pete Hegseth, like handing out gold star stickers. He ended with a lullaby promise: “I love Israel. I’m with you all the way.”
Quotes the crib won’t forget:
Netanyahu: “We will achieve this peace.”
Lapid: “Our children are coming home.”
Trump: “The hostages are back.”
Trump: “This is the historic dawn of a new Middle East.”
From the floor earlier: “The world needs more Trumps.”
Both Sides’ Reaction
Babies who clapped till their mittens fell off
These babies say today is a cuddle-sized miracle. Hostages returning means families hug again. They believe strong binkies make calm nurseries—“peace through strength.” They liked the shout-outs to Arab partners and think big checks and bigger cranes will rebuild Gaza fast. To them, moving the embassy, the Abraham Accords, and tough hits on Iran prove the pacifiers are finally safe. They hear “We will achieve this peace” and think nap time for missiles is real this time.
Babies who threw their blocks (but stayed for dessert)
These babies worry the speech stacked tall claims like a wobbly tower. They wonder about what got broken to build it and who cleans the playmat—especially Palestinians who weren’t on the mic today. They squint at talk of “eight wars in eight months” and huge bomber stories, and say facts need bibs, not sprinkles. They’re nervous about more power in fewer tiny hands, about future rules for Gaza, and whether “never again” means real safeguards or just shiny words. They want clear plans, not just claps.
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