Peter Navarro waddled to the mic on Labor Day and gave himself—and his boss—a shiny gold sticker. He said his job is “to make sure blue-collar America…is fully employed and has their wages rising.” Then he dropped his big claim: if courts take down Trump’s tariffs, “that will be the end of the United States.” Pacifiers hit the floor.
He bragged about jobs and paychecks. “2.5 million jobs since President Trump took office,” he said, and added, “every single month real wages have have gone up in the Trump administration.” He also declared, “Inflation is trending below 2%.” Reporters blinked, scribbled, and tried not to get applesauce on their notepads.
Navarro said the Supreme Court case over Trump’s tariffs is “arguably the single most important economic case” ever. If lower courts win, Navarro warned, America won’t be able to block bad stuff like “the fentanyl poisoning” or fix hollowed-out supply chains. He insisted the tariffs are legal, part of “article two powers of the president,” and not permanent: “If…people stopped dying…tomorrow, the tariffs would be lifted.”
He also showed his flash cards labeled INDIA and OIL. He said India has “the highest tariffs of any major country” and is buying discounted Russian crude, refining it, and selling it “at premium prices.” He called that “nothing but profiteering” and said the “road to peace…runs…through New Delhi.” Meanwhile, he said China and friends are dumping goods and using India as a “big trans shipment hub” to dodge tariffs. Babies in the press row tried to pronounce “transshipment” with gummy mouths. Mixed results.
On the “de minimis” rule—those under-$800 packages zipping through customs like tiny sneakers on sugar—Navarro said the loophole was “insane” and a big pipeline for “counterfeits” and “the single highest source…of narcotics and fentanyl.” He claimed closing it would raise “tens of billions of dollars every year” and protect makers like the “Mighty Mug” folks who got undercut by copycats.
Reporters asked if tariffs mean higher prices and business uncertainty. Navarro shook his rattle and said the foreigners pay: “China ate the whole damn thing and they’re going to do it again.” He also called tariffs “the most incredibly effective negotiating tool…we’ve ever seen a president wield.” Several babies nodded like tiny economists who skipped nap time.
A reporter of NewsNation asked about the big hug between Putin and Modi. Navarro called it “troublesome” and reminded everyone China has poked India before and helped Pakistan’s military. He said he hopes India “comes around” and stops buying Russian oil.
Then he wrapped with a bedtime story: big tax cuts, no tax on tips or overtime, more investment, more productivity. “America, we love you…Happy Labor Day,” he said, and toddled off for a sippy break.
Both Sides’ Reaction
Babies who clapped:
These babies say tariffs are baby gates for the economy. They think the court should keep them up because China and others use tricky trade to steal toys and jobs. They liked Navarro’s “foreigners pay” line and believe strong tariffs force lower export prices abroad, protect factories here, and shield supply chains from scary shocks (like drugs and war). They also point to the de minimis crackdown as real-world diaper duty—less fake stuff, less fentanyl, more fair.
Babies who threw their blocks:
These babies worry the math isn’t as simple as a snack chart. They think businesses and shoppers can end up paying more when import costs rise, even if exporters cut prices some. They also side-eye the legal claim that broad, long-lived tariffs fit the rules, and they fear retaliation from other countries. On India and Russia, they say foreign policy is messier than a puréed pea explosion, and crude-oil chess might not bend to tariff tantrums. Their crib forecast: more uncertainty, more court fights, and possible inflation boomerangs.
