Governor J.B. Pritzker waddled up to the mic and said the quiet part with his outside voice: federal “staging…has already begun.” He says he’s been through real planning before—like big conventions with lots of grown-up badges—except, haha, remember, we’re all babies here. This time, he says the playdate invite came late and loud, with “the first outreach we have received from the Trump administration” being a Saturday phone call “short on details and long on rhetoric.”
Pritzker reminded the nursery that Chicago knows how to share blocks when the big events come to town. He said the last time, there were “conversations and meetings that began one year before the convention.” That’s grown-up-level planning, even for babies in suits.
But this week? He says the cribs got rattled by reports of “armed military personnel” and masked agents in unmarked strollers—sorry, “vehicles”—getting ready to roll. He warned, “We believe that staging that has already begun, started yesterday and continues into today.”
Pritzker says Chicago doesn’t want troops on its sidewalks. He was blunt: “I refuse to play a reality game show with Donald Trump again.” He also asked why any governor should have to “beg the president…for resources owed their people.”
He laid out the baby map: Agents from ICE, CBP, DHS and friends, he says, are being staged on federal property, with “many…being relocated from Los Angeles.” He claims the goal is show-and-tell, not safety: “None of this is about fighting crime or making Chicago safer…for Trump, it’s about testing his power and producing a political drama.”
He warned that if anyone “flings a sandwich at an ICE agent,” the White House could shout “emergency.” His advice: “Do not take the bait.”
Pritzker also bragged about the numbers taped to the fridge: “Crime is down in Chicago. Murders are down by almost 50% in the last four years. Shootings are down 57%, robberies down 34%, burglaries down 21%, motor vehicle thefts down 26%.” He says the city did that with more officers, targeted interdiction, and “investing in community violence intervention.”
And he took off the pacifier to say he’s ready for a legal food fight: “We are ready to fight troop deployments in court,” and he asked Chicagoans to “know your rights” and “film things that you see.”
He ended with a big, serious baby question: “When did we become a country where it’s okay for the US president to insist on national television, that a state should call him to beg for anything, especially something we don’t want?”
We’d never recommend it, but if you just have to watch the adults babble, here you go.
Both Sides’ Reaction
Babies who clapped:
These babies say coordination matters and that surprise deployments are how block towers fall over. They point to the stats Pritzker read—“Murders are down…Shootings are down 57%”—and argue that Chicago’s mix of policing and community programs is starting to work. They think masked, unmarked raids scare families who are going to school and work, and they believe “do not take the bait” is the right nursery rule to keep protests peaceful and avoid a bigger crackdown. To them, federal help should be dollars and data, not camo bibs and mystery vans.
Babies who threw their blocks:
These babies say crime still exists, so bring in every toy truck available. They argue the feds have authority to enforce immigration laws and protect federal operations, and that tougher sweeps catch dangerous people who slip through. They think Pritzker is dramatizing and that if local efforts were truly enough, there’d be no need for outside rattles. To them, a show of force calms the sandbox and sends a message—don’t kick sand, don’t break the rules.
Don't even try to kid yourself. You need this in your inbox yesterday. 👇
