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The playpen press conference opened with U.S. Attorney Joseph Nosella saying good morning and handing the mic to the star of the show, FBI Director Cash Patel. He waddled up and said, “Today we are here in New York to announce a historic arrest across a wide sweeping criminal enterprise that envelops both the NBA and La Cosa Nostra.” Pacifiers hit the floor.
Director Patel said arrests happened in 11 states and “over 30 individuals” were taken into custody. He named “Chanty Bilips, Damon Jones, and Terry Rosier” among those grabbed from their playmats. He also promised the case is “very much ongoing,” and called the whole thing “mind-boggling.” His big baby brag? “It’s not even millions of dollars. We’re talking about tens of millions of dollars.” Yikes. That’s a lot of snack money.
Nosella explained there are two big cases: one about insider sports betting in the NBA, and another about rigged poker games using sneaky tech. On the NBA case, he said it involved six defendants and “one of the most brazen sports corruption schemes since online sports betting became widely legalized.” He said the scheme used non-public info like when players would sit out or leave games early. He named Eric Ernest, Marvez Farley, Shane Hennan, Dairo Ler, Damon Jones, and Terry Rozier (yes, spelled different from earlier) and added that “other co-conspirators were previously charged… including former NBA player Jonte Porter.”
The poker case sounded like a science fair for cheaters. Nosella said the crew used “off-the-shelf shuffling machines that had been secretly altered,” “poker chip tray analyzers,” “special contact lenses or eyeglasses,” and even “an X-ray table that could read cards face down.” He said the mob families—Banano, Gambino, and Genovese—helped run the games and collect debts. His mic-drop line: “Your winning streak has ended. Your luck has run out.” Somebody needs a nap.
Christopher Rea (the FBI New York boss) toddled up and called it a “massive nationwide takedown” with “34 defendants.” He said it created a “financial pipeline for La Cosa Nostra” and promised the Bureau “will never take their eye off the ball.” Good—because someone’s been hiding the ball under the snack table.
Ricky Patel from Homeland Security called it “Operation Royal Flush.” He said the crew “cheated victims out of at least $7 million” and that agents had “sleepless nights.” Same, Ricky. Teething’s rough.
Then NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tish rolled in with two case names fit for a toy chest: “Operation Nothing But Bet” and “Operation Zen diagram.” She gave a specific example from March 23, 2023, saying “Terry Roier… exited the game after just nine minutes” after bets were placed on him “under.” She said total losses in the poker scheme “exceeded $7 million and continue to climb,” and that when people didn’t pay, there were “threats,” “intimidation,” and “violence.” That’s not sharing blocks—that’s throwing them.
During questions, Nosella said “The NBA has cooperated with the investigation.” He also reminded everyone that “the defendants are presumed innocent until they are proven guilty in a court of law.” Meanwhile, Director Patel called it “the insider trading saga for the NBA.” Big phrase for little mouths.
Babies, this isn’t just spilled milk. It’s spilled milk with X-ray tables.
Both Sides’ Reaction
Babies who clapped their tiny hands:
These babies think the takedown protects the sandbox. If players or coaches used secret info, that’s like peeking at cards through the crib slats—no fair. They like hearing “over 30 individuals” and “34 defendants” because it sounds like real accountability. They believe high-tech cheating (hello, “X-ray table” and “secretly altered shufflers”) means normal players and bettors never stood a chance. To them, this is about keeping sports and games honest so snack time tastes sweet again.
Babies who threw their blocks:
These babies worry about rushing to time-out before the playdate ends. They point to Nosella’s reminder: presumed innocent. They heard that sports books are “victims” and that investigations are “ongoing,” which means we don’t have the whole coloring book yet. They also notice name mix-ups and messy details and want everything sorted in court, not the press pen. For them, fairness means slow sips from the sippy cup, not chugging.rnational game of “Who Can Raise Prices Faster?” to make grown-ups feel powerful.
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